More Christmas 2008

Here's Christmas Eve at our house.
Jake and Araya helped me bake some cookies

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Then we opened 1 gift before we got ready for Santa to arrive.












Then Christmas Morning we awoke to find this:






Araya was already painting her nails with her polish. She loves make-up! What a girl.


Here's photos from the Keller Family Christmas at John and Shelley's

TRADITIONS

Traditions are so important to who we are. It can come in smells, sounds, tastes, photos, or even stories told. Whatever your memory of them, traditions are what makes us individuals. They are what make us continue to exist.

It occurred to me how much of an importance rests on the traditions of our lives because when the details of those events are changed they are no longer the same traditions and we are no longer the same people. Once the details are changed a new tradition is born and as much as those new traditions have their own importance and their new set of memories so do the old ones then become the stories of the past are told at the new traditions. I guess that’s what makes memories but it made me a little sad inside to think of the traditions that have come to an end.

So let me share some of our holiday traditions with you all. Every Christmas we have an annual Christmas Party where we gather with friends at our house to share in a wonderful evening of food and fun. Santa always stops by and drops of a sack of present for the kids too!! This evening is one I always look forward too.

Then we have our own family Christmas Eve tradition where we open one gift that we got for each other. This is always a nice start to calm the kids down before we put out the carrots and cookies for Santa.

Then we have our Keller Family Christmas where we get together with Pauls’ family and exchange presents and eat! We take turns going to each others houses and this year we were in State College at Paul’s brothers house- Uncle John and Aunt Shelley's. We had a wonderful day watching the kids play and just spending time with each other. We even got to enjoy a snow ball fight!! Of course we ate too much but I think that is part of the tradition too!

One tradition that was put on hold this year was our annual gathering with the Grabill family. We always get together on an evening before Christmas so we can exchange our Christmas gifts with one another. This year we will do this tradition a little later because we are not having Christmas without Kylee. Some traditions are not made to change. Christmas with the Grabill’s is not Christmas without Kylee. It’s just a day and we can choose any day to all be together. So once Kylee comes home we will gather together to exchange our gifts and give thanks to God for the healing of Kylee.


Keller Christmas Party 2008

Hayden seems to be having a good time. The boys played DDR and the girls watched!

We had a very fun evening of good food and good friends.

WHY???

Why do bad things happen to good people?

Have you ever heard anyone say this? I know I have many times and I have thought about it being true but I have never really thought about it as hard as I am tonight. This blog has been all about family for me and tonight my family is hurting. Tonight I am numb. Tonight I am faced with a tragedy. Christmas time is one of such love and joy but this year as we celebrated, as we opened presents, laughed with the kids and our families, ate tons of cookies and other holiday foods we did it but we did it with heavy hearts and wandering minds

We did it with heavy hearts and wandering minds because these pasts two weeks have been a blur. The reason is a very close friend of ours has been diagnosed with cancer. I say friend but as I have stated before, DNA doesn’t matter to me. She is a friend but to us Kylee is so much more. She is only 20 years old. She has not been sick. She is healthy and strong. How does this happen? I don’t know what to do other than pray and write so I can get some feelings out of my heart. I have been going through the motions of Christmas but now that the weekend is coming to a close I am beginning to feel the reality coming to the surface.


I now see that when cancer strikes you really don’t care why, you just want to know how to make it all go away. You just want to make the person better and see them get back to living their life the way they were. The why is no longer the concern but the cure certainly is. I have seen cancer many times. Paul's father was taken from him by leukemia before I knew him and being in healthcare I am not a stranger to what cancer is, but this is different. This time it is so much more personal. This time I find myself in a different role.

This time it is so much more painful and the feelings and questions are endless. We go from anger, to sobbing, to confidence, back to sobbing. It’s insane. I have never felt so many emotions all in one day. I have never prayed so hard or felt so close to God. There have been times through this experience when it felt like I was feeling Kylee’s pain. I trust in God and I know that he knows Kylee trusts in him. All I can do is pray. I do believe in the power of prayer. God has performed miracles and healed the sick and all I can do is ask that he do this for Kylee. I have been searching for some materials to give me strength and I found these quotes which I thought I would share. Also, I ask that if you would.. please remember Kylee in your prayers. Thank you.


Romans 5:3-5
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

1 Peter 4:12-13,19
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed... So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good

Exodus 23:25
"So you shall serve the Lord your God, and He will bless your bread and your water. And I will take sickness away from the midst of you."




Ky and Araya take a snooze on the beach this summer.

Christmas Prayer

As I reflect upon Christmas and the true meaning behind this day I am reminded of the power of God. I have seen the miracles and wonders God can work. But I have also seen the pain and suffering faced by many. Today I am asking all of you to pray. Please take the time to stop, put down your wrapping paper, stop rolling the dough, turn the vacuum off, and pray.

Thank God for the many blessings you have. Whatever your blessings may be thank God for them, but also pray for those who are in need. Pray for those who are suffering, for those in pain, for those who may need our prayers more than we do this day. Pray for the sick, the hungry, the lonely. Pray for all of our bothers and sisters. Amen

December Gathering

We had a nice time at the Christmas Gathering. The Heuston's and Barbee's joined us for the afternoon. I really enjoyed talking with you both and thank you for sharing your stories. The kids had fun coloring, playing Monopoly and running around. I am looking forward to the year ahead to be able to get together with each other on a regular basis.





Aaron enjoyed meeting some new friends.



Lainie, Jake, and Araya enjoyed coloring.

Things to be Thankful for:

Here's some photos from Thanksgiving at Grandma Keller's.


The tradition of Thanksgiving is being carried on through the generations.

Uncle John carves the turkey. Jake and Jason helped mix the gravy.






Griffin and one of his girlfriends-Aunt Mary Ann. Aunt Pauline will be jealous!!!


Megan and Araya perform for everyone!! Grandma Keller and Grandma Reger look on with pride as the granddaughters dance around the living room.

When people say, "How could anyone give up such a beautiful baby?"

I guess the first thing that comes to my mind is- well so if she was ugly would they have kept her??? But that’s just my smart mouth talking. I know they don’t mean it that way but it just sounds awful. I think or I hope that people really mean that as a compliment but what they don’t realize is that what I think about birthparents is that they must be the strongest people on earth. I would like to think that I could be that strong of a person but I don’t know that I would be. How selfless, how amazing must a mom be to carry a child for nine months. To bond with the baby inside you. To feel them kick, hiccup, stick their legs in your ribs, and shove their hands into your bladder. How amazing must a mom be to go through the horrible pains of labor to only find relief by the sudden push and second of release that your pain is over to only instead of receiving the reward of holding your child in your arms to let that child be given to the arms of another. How selfless is that? To recognize that you cannot provide for your child, to recognize that your child needs another and to be able to choose that for them. How amazing is that.

I cannot imagine the strength and will power it must take for a mother to stand by their decision that they can not be a mother to their child. I wonder if everything in nature tells that mother to hold their child. I wonder if at one point they have a moment where they feel strong and think they can do it. Do they have a moment where they feel no mater what somehow they will make it and they will be with their baby? Do they feel like running out of that hospital with their baby wrapped in a blanket. Maybe they do maybe they don’t. But whatever their struggle their ultimate decision leaves them walking away from their baby knowing that they have too, knowing that they can not be the mom their child needs. That decision, that selfless act of love can not come easy and no one should blame them or scold them. They deserve more that that.

Perhaps if people were more understanding of this decision there wouldn’t be the guilt these mothers feel. Maybe there wouldn’t be so many mothers out there trying to provide for their children when they know they can’t. Perhaps if our society was more open to the fact that just because someone is able to birth a child, that doesn’t mean they are able to raise that child, then just perhaps there wouldn’t be as many situations in homes where children are removed or neglected and even abused. Just perhaps…

People need to stop wondering how someone can “give up” a child and realize that they are not giving them up they are giving them life. Statements like those only hurt our children. They only label them in that category of less than a biological child because they were “given up’. I want my daughter to never feel as though she was “given up” because she wasn’t. She was given to her family. There is no “given up” in her life there is only a family who loves her and who will give her every opportunity she deserves and a birthmother who loved her so much that she gave her that opportunity to become a wonderful women. I am so thankful to Araya’s birth mother because without her I would not have Araya. People say all the time what a lucky little girl she is to have us but I say to them, NO, we are the lucky ones. To have been given this daughter. We are the lucky ones. I love Araya’s birth mother and I pray for her all the time and when Araya is older and able to understand her adoption I hope she too will pray for her birthmother. What a gift.

And even though birthmother’s don’t get the gift of walking out the hospital holding their babies the gift they do get is that of peace. The gift of knowing their child is loved, protected, secure, and taken care of. Their child has food, water, clothes, and a bed to sleep in. They get the gift of knowing their child will survive.

The strength I see in this little girl is also proof that she will survive. There is nothing in her that is ready to "give up"!!!

Good photography, nice music. Beautiful family pictures .

Proof of Love Without DNA

Recently we had family photos taken at our friend's the Grabill's house. They were having family photos taken too so the photographer asked if we wanted a group picture taken with both families. Thankfully we opted for a yes! This photo is proof that those who are not related can love one another. The Grabill family and our family became friends through a chance occurance only 8 years ago and since then they have grown to be an extended family of ours and our children. There is no DNA link here just love!!

When People Say, "I don’t know if I could love a child that isn’t mine."

I was thinking the other day about people who have said about adoption that they don’t know whether they could love a child if it wasn’t their own. I used to get angry about that comment but now I think I understand it a little better, at least I am trying too. I think those comments are said out of fear and ignorance about adoption. At least I hope they are. I have just never been able to relate to that comment so I was trying to understand what would make a person think that. I was trying to figure out- why is biology so important? Having a biological tie to your child is so amazing and wonderful but not having one doesn’t make them any less amazing or make being their parent any less wonderful.

I wonder if maybe I can’t fully understand this feeling since I was blessed with the pregnancies of my boys. But, I always wanted to adopt. I just always knew it was something that I wanted to do. I never fully understood that feeling inside but I also think those are the things God has planned for us but just doesn’t tell us the whole plan all at once. It’s just something inside you that you feel and it just takes some time for the whole plan to work itself out. Anyway, to those of you who wonder if you could love a child that isn’t yours I will hold back from screaming at you that biology doesn’t make a child yours and I will instead tell you what I feel does make a child yours.

What I feel makes a child yours is the love you feel in your heart and soul for them. What makes a child yours is the feeling that you have that you would do anything for them. What makes a child yours is the pain and hurt you feel when they are hurt and the joy and happiness you feel when they are happy. What makes a child yours is the fear you feel inside that you will be a bad parent or somehow mess them up. What makes a child yours is the instinct you have to protect them from any harm or jump in front of a speeding car to sacrifice your life for theirs without even the second of a hesitation. A child becomes yours the moment you become their parent. For me this happened the instant I read the plus sign on those little home pregnancy tests. The moment I saw those plus signs, both times, I felt this enormous warmth of love and protection that I knew would only grow. The moment was then intensified when I heard my babies cry and the moments I held them in my arms. Those are the moments a parent never forgets.

The other moment that I will never forget was when we got that call. When we got that call from Lisa at the Children’s Home. When I first heard her name…Araya, when I first heard she was there waiting for us, I knew I loved her. Then when I saw her. When Karen opened that door and there she was. Karen was holding her and there she was just waiting for us, our daughter, our beautiful baby girl just there smiling and kicking. My love for her became even more intense and real. It’s just what you do when you become a parent. It doesn’t matter how, when, or, where but when God gives you a child you love them. The fact that I didn’t birth Araya made her no less of a child to me. She is mine. That’s what I will never get, they are yours. I guess I will never understand why just because someone does not have your DNA people feel they not “theirs”. They are!! At least for me they are. Let someone try and tell me or my daughter she isn’t mine. Hmm, well they can try but in that case I just might not be so understanding. My mom instinct may kick in a little too hard :)

So for anyone wondering whether they can love a child that isn’t theirs I challenge them to a few question. Do you love anything in your life? Do you have a friend you love? A husband, wife, boy or girlfriend? Have you felt an unconditional love for any of these people? If the answer is yes then guess what… you can love something that isn’t yours because you alreday do. None of these are “yours” based on DNA but you still love them. If you can love another human being then trust me, when those innocent eyes look into yours and call you mommy or daddy you will love them. The first time you see them smile or hear them cry you will love them. You will love them so much it will scare you!!! Being a parent is the scariest experience in the world but it is the most rewarding, spiritual experience on earth.

And for those that have tried and tried but cannot experience the miracle of pregnancy I pray you will experience the miracle of parenthood through adoption. I like to think that for some reason God has a special gift waiting for you and that one day you will be united with your little blessing.