Open Adoption

Paul and I have an OPEN ADOPTION. Our contact is through our agencies social workers but it is open. So with that being said, I was thinking tonight about Araya’s birthmother. We haven’t heard from her in a little more than a year now. She was very faithful about contacting our agency for photos or updates, which I was more than glad to share with her. I enjoyed updating her on how well Araya is doing and I enjoyed sharing with her the photos of her growing and bonding with her brothers. But, then it stopped. Just like that I heard no more from her. No letters, no calls, nothing. I feel sad inside for that. I pray for her and I pray that she is ok. All of her indications to us were that she enjoyed the photos and she planned on keeping in contact with us. She enjoyed seeing how well Araya was doing and it made her feel good to know Araya was healthy and getting the family she wanted her to have.

At first I tried very hard to understand those feelings she shared. I remember when I first started sending her pictures I was so nervous. I would look at the photos and I almost felt like I was bragging. What I mean by that was I felt bad. I felt guilty sending her these pictures of my beautiful happy daughter. I was sending her holiday, birthday, trick or treating, football games, etc. All these wonderful family photos of us and I would send them to her and there she was alone. So yes, I felt very guilty and I felt like I was shoving my happiness in her face but then she sent us a letter. She sent us a letter explaining how wonderful it was for her to see Araya happy. To see her getting all of the love and the things she knew she could not provide for her. She wanted us to know how important it was to her that we know that seeing those pictures actually gave her peace. I remember thinking if I were her and I saw those pictures of that beautiful little girl I would want her to be with me. I would want to be taking her trick or treating. I would want to be opening birthday presents with her. But then I realized that was how I felt not how her birthmother felt and those feelings were there because I can provide those things. Those feelings were there because Araya is my daughter and I could not imagine a moment without her in my life.

I learned from Araya’s birthmother when she explained how seeing Araya happy and adjusted with her family made her feel happy. She needed to know that Araya was healthy and that her decision was the right one for Araya. I learned that the guilt and anxiety I felt was not needed. There was no reason to feel guilt over becoming a family. After all that is what we are and that is what she wanted for Araya. So those guilty feelings were lifted from me. I never again doubted what I sent. I suppose for me, her letter completed a chapter in our families adoption story. We made her a photo album last Christmas with many captions and photos from the year. But that photo album was the last time we heard from her. Since then there has been nothing. I contacted the agency not too long ago to see if they had heard anything but they hadn’t. So all I can do is hope she is well. Perhaps she received the closer she needed. Perhaps we will hear from her again perhaps we won’t. Whatever her path I just hope she is well.